I met Kayla and Kyle when they were in the youth group with our kids. They have such a sweet story to tell. I wanted them to share it with you!
As a teenager, I heard people say quite frequently that they wished they could go back in time and tell their 18 year old self that they have no idea what their life holds and that all the planning in the world can’t guarantee you anything. As an adult now, I completely get it. I wish that I could go back in time to my senior year of high school to chat with the girl who thought she had it all figured out. I would grab her, shake her, and tell her that all her planning and rule following meant jack squat in the grand scheme of things. I would tell her that her plans to go to college to become a high school teacher, get married, and have babies with her high school sweetheart after only two years of marriage were admirable, but inconceivable.
I will say now, as my older and wiser self, that I was able to accomplish half of those things on my “checklist for life,” like marrying Kyle, my high school sweetheart, and going to college to become a teacher (I teach 4th grade!). The biggest difference is what my children look like.
Kyle and I had been married for a year and a half before we began trying to extend our family. We tracked cycles, body temperatures, and did everything else people suggested for roughly a year, but were unable to conceive. We scheduled an appointment with the gynecologist and were able to get in fairly quickly. After some tests, the doctor concluded that fertility medications would be a good place to start. We were given a prescription for Chlomid, a fertility medication best known for achieving positive results (80% increase in successful ovulation with 50% increased chance of pregnancy). After several rounds of Chlomid with no success, it was decided that Kyle should get tested as well. After Kyle faced his share of tests, it was determined that it would be next to impossible for us to conceive.
We were quickly met with the harsh reality that we could not have biological children. Talk about a tough pill to swallow. To make things more difficult, we were seemingly surrounded by people who were getting pregnant easily, announcing their pregnancy on social media sites, updating about their baby fever every 5 minutes, and the well intentioned inquiries about when we were going to have children. The things that hurt the most were the confusion, the anger, and the GUILT. Imagine how we felt when we experienced jealousy rather than joy, anger rather than acceptance, and sorrow rather than celebration when close friends and family were being blessed with the delights of children. After all, we love our friends and family, and we truly are excited that they are able to experience the wondrous joys of childbirth….but we were constantly battling our own selfishness, and needed God’s help in overcoming our sinful nature.
We were angry because we were denied what we wanted and had worked hard for; sorrowful because we understood it would never happen; full of grief because we lost the hope of carrying our own child; uncertain because we didn’t know what our next steps would be; lonely because no one understood how we felt; and jealous because others could have what we couldn’t. Infertility is a struggle that dragged us into the depths of despair. BUT GOD, in His mercy, had planned something better for us than we had planned for ourselves.
We had nowhere to turn but to the Lord. We began praying for peace and understanding and wisdom as we faced the acceptance of His plan over our own. As time passed, accepting God’s plan became easier (not to say that we still didn’t hurt) because we put our faith and trust in Him to put into action the plan that we believe He established before the foundation of the earth. As we continually prayed for God’s will to be done in our life, we kept coming back to adoption. It was always on our hearts, but it was being continually reinforced to us in small ways. Instead of praying about what we should do, our prayers changed to how and when we should adopt. And they were answered!
Kyle and I began our first adoption process in November 2015. We completed all of our paperwork, underwent our home study, foster parent training and certification, and were matched with a birth mother in May 2016. Our social worker called us and told us that a young woman was having a baby boy and he was due in only 2 weeks! We couldn’t believe it! We rushed to complete our nursery and so many people gave us items they had laying around their homes for a baby boy. We felt that everything was falling into place and we couldn’t have been more grateful.
The two weeks flew by and we received a call from our case worker who told us that our birth mom was at the hospital having the baby but she didn’t want us to come up there. We immediately knew something was wrong. We dropped to our knees and prayed that the Lord’s will would be done, even if it meant heartbreak for us.
We didn’t have any communication from our caseworker until that evening. She explained to us that our birth mother had chosen to parent and that she was sorry. Our hearts were shattered. Not knowing what else to do, we packed our bags and left for a week.
We came back and our social worker called to check on us. She asked if we were ready to try again and we said yes. She explained that another birth mom had chosen us and would like to meet us in person.
Kyle and I were very guarded at this point. We didn’t let our emotions get involved, but chose to look at the situation as business (as crazy as that sounds!) only. We agreed to meet this new birth mother the following week.
This situation was a total 180 from our first match and subsequent disruption. This birthmom was 41 (our first birthmom was 19), was having a little girl, had no family, and was due in November. After meeting her in person, we agreed to pursue the adoption of her daughter.
As time passed, we didn’t tell everyone that we had been matched with a birthmom again. We kept this one a secret from most people and kept ourselves at a safe distance.
Birthmom was scheduled to be induced on November 18, 2016 and we made a hospital plan with her. We agreed to be at the hospital that morning and we got to see her before the baby was born. We prayed together and then waited.
Our precious baby girl, Ada Jane, was born that day. Exactly one year from the day (God thing, for sure!) we began our adoption journey. She has been our biggest blessing and is the most perfect fit for our family.
Our hearts are ready to bring another baby into our family so we have started the mound of paperwork to adopt again. Although our first adoption wasn’t very long ago, we had forgotten how grueling this step is. We are buried beneath background checks, medical forms, financial proof, and other requirements. It seems as if it will never be complete!
We are going through a different agency this time around (we chose them because they have the lowest fees in the state), but many of the requirements and our prayer requests will be the same.
We covet your prayers, love, and positive vibes as we undergo this process yet again. Please pray for the birth mother that the Lord will match us with. We are thankful that she is choosing life for her child and know that this is going to be one of the toughest times in her life. Pray for peace for her heart and calmness and clarity for her mind. Pray for her child, that it will be healthy as well as for Ada. Pray that Ada will be a loving big sister as she doesn’t quite yet understand that a real baby will soon be in our home. Please also pray that the financial burden of an adoption will be lifted from us. We are applying for grants, but haven’t heard anything back yet and are saving as much as we possibly can.
Thank you so much for your listening ear (or should I say “reading eyes”??)! If you would like to follow us on our journey, please join our Facebook group: The Conders Adopt Again!