Sometimes the things that grip me with fear surprise me. Like, seriously! I can find the craziest of things to worry over or stress about at any given moment.
- What if a sinkhole opens up under our house? Kentucky has some pretty crazy sinkhole stories.
- What if a crazed lunatic follows me home from the grocery?
- What if there is a snake in the yard where the kids are playing?
- What if …what if…what if?
Of course, there are times I fear or worry over more relevant things.
- What if something happens to one of my kids and they’re too far away for me to get to them?
- What if when Doug leaves for work it’s the last time I see him?
- What if all our plans fail and our life falls apart?
- What if one of our treasures gets sick…like really sick?
Ugh! Just putting those things in writing brings up emotions in a crazy whirlwind in my mind. My grandmother would have called it borrowing trouble. Letting my imagination run wild over things that do nothing but waste my time and energy had been taking too much from me!
Recently, I decided to go to THE Source to find the answers to my anxiety and my ridiculous fears. God commands us over and over in the Bible…DO NOT FEAR! I haven’t counted them myself, but I’ve heard it’s in the Bible 365 times…once for each day of the year. That tells me He knows and understands that I will have the propensity to let fear get a hold of me. It also tells me that there is no reason for me to let that happen.
Anyone else who experiences this type of thing knows you need an arsenal of weapons to fight those fears! Regular Bible study and prayer are top priority! Hiding God’s Word in my heart helps to keep me from sinning…from needless worry. That puts me in the TRUTH! Then, I can speak truth over myself. I also have been listening to a book called Afraid of All the Things by Scarlet Hiltibidal. I relate so much to her. She uses scripture…a lot of scripture…to show the reader how she battled her fears.
You can bet if you start studying the Bible and seeking God in relation to what you face in life, He will give you opportunity to practice what you’re learning. That opportunity for me came in the form of a motorcycle. Yep…you read that right!
A while back my husband decided to get a motorcycle…a big, loud, mean-looking motorcycle. I was against it from the start. Instantly, fear consumed me! I could give hundreds of arguments for why it was a bad idea. We had several heated discussions. The need to control the situation was strong in me. He bought the bike. I continued to fight against the thing. I was afraid for him! I didn’t have to be afraid for me because I wasn’t going to ride it. (All this is really a weird kind of funny because I had actually ridden motorcycles with my Daddy when I was a child AND with Doug when we first dated and then got married.)
Each time he would go out for a ride, I prayed the entire time. That is after I had begged him to not ride it at all. When he decided to ride it to work, oh my…let’s just say my imagination went beyond running wild that night.
Then, one evening while listening to another section of Afraid of All the Things, it was like it was written just for me to hear. Early in the book she says…
Calm is found in the already finished work of Christ.Scarlet Hiltibidal
Calm. That’s what I longed for concerning the motorcycle, sinkholes, and sickness. She went on to say…
There it was! I was under the illusion that I needed to be strong…that I needed or even could be in control. The reality is I can’t control this life I live. I can’t control the events that happen to or around me. It feels great to release that need to be in control…to be strong…and to just be held by my God.
So now, I’m practicing speaking God’s truths over my life and speaking what is in the now to myself. The REAL not the IMAGINED.
One of the things I decided I
needed wanted to do was to ride the motorcycle with Doug. For some reason, I knew it meant a lot to him. So I got up the courage to borrow my son’s helmet (yep…my youngest son also has a motorcycle which has also been a point of fear for me) and go for a ride. I rode that motorcycle in fear. The fear didn’t magically go away. I asked Doug over and over to please be extra careful. He assured me that he is always extra careful. I prayed through that entire ride. I felt like I was going to be sick all over Doug’s back. But…I kept reminding myself that my God is sovereign. He is in control. My fears are temporary. My God is eternal. In the big scheme of things, God is God and is good no matter the outcome of a motorcycle ride.
Fast forward to this week…
Doug bought me my own very cute, very safe helmet. It even has flowers on it! We’ve ridden twice. Each time he is just as careful as the last. Each time I pray throughout the ride. But now, each time I’m learning to enjoy the time and riding through the country roads clinging to Doug’s shirt instead of to my fears!